First, I want you to read this - Adultery 2.0During our Wednesday night meeting at church, we discussed the 51st Psalm. The Psalm is basically David repenting of his sin with Bathsheba after the prophet Nathan makes him aware of his sin. In discussing this, I asked the question:
In a situation like adultery, should someone ask for forgiveness or mercy?
We talked about this, both during and after church, and Pastor said some things that I thought were very insightful...mostly because he agreed with me.
First, that forgiveness only help the person asking for forgiveness. It essentially does nothing for the offended.
Second, I brought up the fact that while mercy (unmerited favor) and forgiveness are linked, they are, practically, two separate things. In biblical terms, it would seem that Scriptures teach us that we are to forgive "seventy times seven" and "to forgive, because we have been forgiven". Mercy, however, says that I ask for something I don't deserve. I understand if you choose to not give it, but I must ask regardless. My responsibility is before God and then before man...I have control over the asking, but not the results and must except what comes as part of the consequences of my sin.
Lastly, for someone to demand forgiveness is an act of arrogance. The offender is allowed to rape, pillage, and plunder for years, but is able to ask for forgiveness and all should be well. And, if the offended, who has had their entire life ripped from them and stripped nearly of everything they held dear, responds in anger, frustration, and hurt...your response is:
If you think for one moment that my offense against you exceeds my offense to Christ Himself, you’ve highly deceived yourself. That being said, if Christ can and will forgive even the vilest of sinners, what makes you better than Him. Why do you persist in taking His position on His throne and casting such judgment on me? Do you not think He is quite capable of taking care of that Himself? Where’s your humility in it all. Have you thanked God that He spared you of a similar path because it could have been you just as easily. Christ said if a man even thinks it in his heart, he’s guilty of it.
While this seems like the Baptist/Fundamentalist party line, their response tells me that they don't get it.
While what happened was a hideous act, how much better would have it for that man to simply say...
I ask for mercy for my sins against you. I know that I have taken much from you and I realize there is nothing I can do to restore to you what has been lost. I have been humbled before men and God and I realize that I deserve your anger and scorn. I plead for your mercy and I realize that while God may forgive me, I understand if you cannot. I took what was not mine for almost two years...I cannot expect for you to forgive me...
As we were leaving for the night, Pastor said something to me that summed it all up. To essentially demand forgiveness the way he has, is an arrogant and manipulative manner to approach the situation, which he felt spoke to the individuals mindset and lack of understanding of his sin. He felt those were not the words of someone with a broken spirit and a contrite heart(Ps51:17).
I wholeheartedly agree.
7 comments:
I think you and your pastor nailed it on this one. It is an aspect of forgiveness that we have thought so little about.
I'm pretty sure I agree with the idea that forgiveness should not perpetuate injustice. However, if some bastard harms me and continues to live his life without changing, and I thusly refuse to offer forgiveness, don't I also lose? I have to harbor terrible resentment, don't I?
Forgiveness is not only for the offender, it is for the offended.
I don't have anyanswers, just wondering.
Thanks for the great post. Humility would sure cure the world (and our churches) of much of it's evil. (I love that word-evil-I can't say it w/out thinking of Dr. Evil from Austin Powers) Sorry, I digressed--Seriously though, when I read the self righteous blurb you borrowed from Toby's blog it sounds like something Dr. Evil would say. What a fruitcake!
Corey, you are right. Asking for forgiveness does often start the offended down the path of healing and can restore fellowship, however, in the context of this case, the offender used it as a "get out of sin free" card and then demanded Toby was arrogant in not granting him his pass.
My point was that initially, the forgiveness is a cure for the offender, while often, the offended still is working through the complexity of the situation. One is an end to it's self and at best, the other can be a beginning.
Mercy is only asked by those who know they need mercy, Jay.
That's why Kenny White, who slept with my wife for almost two years, did not ask for it but instead made me out to be the one who lacked the forgiving spirit and humility for expressing my hurt and anger to him.
In some twisted way he doesn't really see what he did as wrong, or deserving of punishment, the shame, the humiliation and loss that should accompany his wicked act.
He thinks what he did was a result of his sin nature, and that ultimately if put in the same situation I would have done the same thing.
His arrogance is gross.
So, he asks for forgiveness, not because he wants it or needs it - because forgiveness restores - and he expressed that he DOES NOT Want a relationship with me anyway.
He asked for it because he felt he needed to because that's what the Law says. That's what the book says.
That's what his puppet of a god requires him to do.
Mercy is for those who seek it, cause they know they need it, even though they don't deserve it - and they beg for it, the cry out for it, they do whatever needs to be done to attain it (saying mercy is ummeritted might not, imho, be accurate, but that's for another time...).
I hate the story of David.
If I was Uriah, then I would be pissed that David didn't die.
Do I love God's mercy? I do. I think I am merciful, too.
It just gives to many people an excuse to excuse their sin, if you know what I mean. "David was a man after God's own heart, and look what he did." Sick.
Who said David was a man after God's own heart anyway? God? He's quoted as saying such, but when? Acts 13:22 tells us it was when he was appointed King, not afterward.
All liars, adulterers, theives and murderers shall have their part in the Lake of Fire! If I were Kenny, I'd be begging for mercy...
(ps - I reference his name not out of bitterness, but because I have made a commitment that I wont talk about him without making sure people know who he really is...but, anyone reading his comments to me can easily decern that for themselves...)
I totally agree forgiveness should never enable more sin. And with this situation in particular, I am aware of the depths of the evil and the ensuing self-righteous filth that continues to wreck a family.
However, I fear that Christ's forgiveness may be enabling my sin. He gives and he gives and he gives and never seems to push back. It is a scandalous forgiveness.
Now, let me say, in no way to I condemn Toby's actions. In my opinion he has done quite well. he shouldn't let a man continue to ruin and maim his family or anybody else's. Toby is right and doing the right thing. However, what about the big picture?
I should probably just shut up. All I'm saying is the context of "Father forgive them..." is pretty intense. But, then again, nobody expected Jesus to forgive or guilt tripped him into it. He was not manipulated. He gave freely.
Pastor Wagner mentioned that the ideal would be to forgive seventy times seven(and even beyond), however, that was the reaction coming from a perfect Savior. While we have the potential to tap into that level of commitment, it really is a high and righteous bar to maintain.
I would love to say that the forgiveness of Christ, which He showed us at the Cross, would cover any transgression against me, but no one has raped, murdered, and pillaged my life like this case in point. I would like to say I would, but I don't know.
I know that the Christ-like response would be to forgive completely and without malice, but I can't say that I would be feeling very much like Christ after that.
That's why Kenny White, who slept with my wife for almost two years, did not ask for it but instead made me out to be the one who lacked the forgiving spirit and humility for expressing my hurt and anger to him.
This is none of my business, but I'm curious enough to ask anyways. If I was in your situation, I'd be more upset with my wife. Sure... the other guy is at fault. But the wife bears more blame in my humble opinion.
Did your wife ask you for mercy and forgiveness? How was her request different from Kenny White's?
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